I think I won the penis lottery.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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