sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
