Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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