How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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