two words: eviction party
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
