i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think people are normalizing furries
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
