I want to have your abortion
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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