I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
