Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
