Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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