this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
