she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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