Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
