Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
