I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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