he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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