you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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