I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
