the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
