You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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