How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
