If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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