I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
