Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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