He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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