You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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