...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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