I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
