We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
