its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
