You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
