Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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