i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
