Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
