Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
