There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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