She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
