its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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