I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
