bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
