oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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