I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
