So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
