i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
