Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
