So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
