history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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