I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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