called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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