There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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