Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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