Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
