I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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