I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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