he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
