we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
