have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
