Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
