People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
