you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
