Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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