Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my shit smells like andre
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
