I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
