id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
