Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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