I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
