who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
