Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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