she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
