Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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