Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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