I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
